| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a decade under the influence - taking back sunday | ] |
so, it's been a while
i'm recovered now, or at least trying my best, which is working well
i went to the psych ward for cutting and everything just fell in place
cutting took over anorexia, which i consider healthier
although i still give credit to anyone with the will power to be truely anorexic.
i want to keep this thing active cuz i plan on one day putting a movie/book/book-journal kinda thing together sometime in the future and itd be good to hear all my pathetic rants. |
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| the fucking quote of the century. |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | wonderwall - oasis | ] |
How will you know I’m hurting If you cannot see my pain? To wear it on my body Tells what words cannot explain. - C. Blount
ugh.
my wrist hurts. |
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|
| ha |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|12:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | maps - yeah yeah yeahs | ] |
okay so i fasted for 3 days with the exception of a few negative calories veggies to make it look like im eating. i ate yesterday though, mind you, healthy stuff like carrots and broccoli and hummus and like baked lays with salsa but yeah so i've decided this is how i'm gonna do this...
eat one day, fast for 3 days
eat one day, fast for 4 days
eat one day, fast for 3 days
eat one day, fast for 4 days and so on
yeah so that will work and it's gonna be good
today is my first day of a 4 day fast, even though easter's tmrw, i wont eat. that's gonna be hard ha
but i'll do it
yeah this will so work
yay
it's really not hard to fast for me at all, just as long as there's diet soda and water, i'm good.
and then on the day i eat i'll do my exercise routine twice. yeah.. |
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| so for the past two days... |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 21 questions - 50 cent | ] |
i've had NOTHING today!
and i only had two raw peices of broccoli yesterday!
hell yeah
and im not even hungry!
i've had like NOTHING the past 3 days!
i'm so happy hahhaha
yeah. i'm gonna keep this going as long as possible.
i just made a pecan coffee cake with emu. it smells so good! ha
yeah |
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| helllll yeah |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|08:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a whole new world - the aladdin soundtrack | ] |
i didnt eat anything today!
lots of diet soda
and like a tiny bit of fat free redi wip
but that's it!
ha i own
i'm gonna do it tmrw too
i got a black mini from AE today and a pink tshirt w/ a little pocket from jcrew and also a blue tank from jcrew and a sublime tee from hot topic
good
gooooood
gooooooooood day |
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| hurt. |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|06:42 pm] |
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit
On my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way |
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| ew. ugh. |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|06:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hurt - nine inch nails | ] |
bad weekend
i feel sick
i'm not eating tmrw
then trying not to as long as possible
water.
that's it
holy shit. i slipped.
im so fucking pathetic.
i can do this though. i'm going to get back on track and fucking OWN.
i'm just going to work out for the rest of spring break. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|07:27 pm] |
I want to run until I'm wind, until I fade away to dust.
I want to walk in the snow and not soil its perfection.
I want to be as light as a feather and float away.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
Starve my pain away, make me beautiful, make everything okay,
Turn my problems into bone, gather the remains, and blow away the dust.
One day I WILL stare beauty in its eye
And know that I am thin enough.
So skinny that I rot, when I can dance like a zephyr through the pure snow.
i found that on a pro-ana msg board. i like it. |
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| ohhh bad past two days, baaddddd |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|06:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | that 'i'll go wherever you will go' song - the calling | ] |
yeah really bad
ew
bad
i jsut had brocolli though
which is good for you
right?
ahh
i'm so mad at myself
i need to get back on track
i need to stop this
dont eat
dont eat
dont eat
dont eat
wow i'm crazy
i'm gonna calm down though
i can do this
i know i can
it's control
i have control
i know i do
i just need to keep it
omg i am so full |
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| day 14 (later) |
[Mar. 30th, 2004|06:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
i've had like 4 pickles the rest of the day so... - 30 calories?
that's a total of 37.5 today
i might have another pickle later, or maybe some hot banana peppers (so good for your metabolism)
then the rest of the week, i'm staying under 100 a day too
it'll be good cuz my stomach will shrink so i wont even want food over the weekend
hahaha i made cereal today, like, i baked it. how awesome is that?? it's oatmeal w/ peanut butter and honey and shit and it looks (and SMELLS!) sooo good |
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anaanna's journal